Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
