Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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