my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
