Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
