I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
