she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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