i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
