The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
