But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Panties = found
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
