Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
