I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
