she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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