WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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