I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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