Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
