I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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