woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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