cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
