am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
