Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
