Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
