I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This house was built for laser tag.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
