It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
