Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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