Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The power of my boobs compel you
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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