i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Another day, another engagement, another cat
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
