He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
