I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
