well you can't waste a boner
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
