i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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