I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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