You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
