I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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