His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
