Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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