i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
