I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
