She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
