What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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