My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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