some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
