Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So much rum. So many feels.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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