he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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