Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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