you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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