after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
