Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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