If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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