Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
