you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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