So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Enjoy the penises
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
