My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
