i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
