final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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