I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think people are normalizing furries
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
