You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
