Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
