Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
