I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
