Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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