YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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