I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
