Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
