Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
