that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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