The maid of honor just puked.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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