hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Quick, to the slutcave!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
