Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
