it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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