when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
