Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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