White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
