I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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