BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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