Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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