I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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